The best part of The Shattering happening is that the kids and I get to rebuild a life that suits us. We get to distinguish the rules, the celebrations, the traditions we follow. It’s as if we have re-generated out of thin air. As if we are characters in a video game.
With this year being tight on money, and a little off kilter on so many levels, we have decided as a family unit what traditions we would carry on, as well as what traditions didn’t mean as much to us. We are letting go of what didn’t mean much to us.
One thing we all agreed on was that we NEVER want to spend another holiday feeling excluded, unwelcome, or miscellaneous again. We never want to allow that sick energy back into our family celebrations. So this year we are focusing on keeping our inner spirit the way it should be: carefree, filled with childlike wonderment, and grateful. Despite The Shattering we have so much to be grateful for in our home.
Yesterday as we listened to our wacky, wild, family music play list we all cleaned the house. We did this knowing full well we were about to destroy all our hard work. We worked together some singing, some doing the boogie, some telling horrible jokes. The house looked great! For 10 minutes.
Out came the recipe box. Out came the gluten free mixer. Out came the gluten friendly mixer. Out came all the ingredients you can imagine. Out came every single cookie sheet, stone, and spatula I own. Every surface in the house became fair game for our baking explosion.
Broken Girl has not really helped with holiday baking since she was 12-14 years old. She hasn’t seemed like she wanted to be involved since then. Now that our home has changed, our lives have changed, she has begun healing; she wanted to take point on my grandmother’s spritz cookie recipe. Spritz is a process. I’ve usually just done that portion because the kids never had the attention span for it. After a long debate on if we should try making them gluten free, we decided not to mess with perfection and make the recipe as usual. I will just have to keep in mind that eating them will bring on unfavorable effects.
I took to work making the sugar cookies. This year we made these gluten free. Mostly because I love sugar cookies and needed a yummy sweetness option. Movie Boy has been asking for weeks to make cut out cookies, so this recipe was just what we needed. As soon as the dough was ready Blue Girl joined in and wanted to help with the cut outs. They kept me on my toes rolling, re-rolling, and baking their work.
As the sugar cookies began to wrap up, Broken Girl was struggling with the spritz. The cookie press requires a certain amount of patience. Apparently her patience had hit it’s limit. I took over the process for the last 2 dozen cookies. I was impressed at her attempt to take on a recipe that does not necessarily offer instant gratification. She has never been my most patient kid. Although, if it hadn’t been for her help, we may not have had the opportunity to have my grandmother’s cookies. I may have run out of steam if I was doing everything alone.
While we were baking Welding Boy was drawing. He gave up art some time ago. I wished he hadn’t done that. It’s been a long time since he took out his supplies and did anything creative. For whatever reason, in the middle of the cookie madness, he felt the need to be creative again. He picked a saying he heard somewhere and made a landscape scene to go with it. I can’t even begin to tell all of my readers how happy it made me. To watch his wheels spin, to see him enjoying art again, to know that he felt safe enough to enjoy a quiet corner of the house and express himself was so comforting to me. It was a bit of a silver lining this holiday season.
One thing I’d managed to forget about cookies is the toll it takes on me. I’d forgotten that the longer I’m on my feet lifting, mixing, pressing, the more my body stiffens and aches. I’d forgotten that when it comes to cookie dough I have zero self restraint. I eat almost as much as we bake. I’d forgotten how exhausted you can get after the sugar rush/crash. I’d forgotten that nap time is essential on cookie making day. I’d forgotten that the next day it takes extra time for my body to get up and move; that the aches stick around. The one thing that I hadn’t forgotten is that we LOVE cookie day. All the aches and pains are worth every moment of the kids and I doing what we love. Together.
We wrapped up the day, once again blaring our music. Cleaning the house for a second time; knowing full well the next day would be a bread making day. We would destroy all our hard work again in the morning.
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