Here I sit, debating what topic to write about. Do I want to focus on what has happened; on the discounting…. the madness? Do I talk about what we have going on right this second? Do I want to share recent areas of my growth? Do I attempt to voice my latest realization about personal value and uniqueness? The writers block strikes every time I think I’ve made a decision.
Then, out of nowhere, I hear a song I’ve always loved. It makes me think of sunflowers, the beach, spinning in carefree circles in an expansive field of waving hay, or floating in a boat in the middle of a lake….
“I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny Day….”
As my brain turns off to focus on the music, I dance my way into the kitchen for a glass of water. I’m shaking my booty, dancing with Pig, chasing Cat, feeling free. I don’t even care that my boys are both wondering if I’ve lost my mind as they catch a glimpse of me from the living room.
I spill water all over as I bob and weave to the music. For a split second I cringe, waiting to be yelled at for being an idiot. In the next split second I have an overwhelming feeling of freedom and happiness wash over every inch of my body. Like a warm blanket wrapped around me, I’m comfortable in my element.
Not long ago I would have been degraded for liking all my classic rock music. Any dancing would lead to unsolicited roaming hands and proposals. I would have been reduced to rubble over the spilling or dropping of anything. I wouldn’t have been safe. Just like when the rain was covering Johnny Nash’s eyes in the song.
What is amazing to me is that not only am I safe in my home, not only am I becoming stronger, more confident than ever before, but it feels like there are rainbows protecting our lives. The dark clouds have gone, and there is nothing but sun-shiny days.
Right now it feels like things are finally starting to go our way.
While part of me is waiting for the bottom to drop out, I’m hoping it won’t. For the first time in years the kids and I are on the same level. We’re focused on being a family the way we are meant to be. Not the way we had become; distant, unforgiving, negative.
For the first time in a long time I have work that allows me to go in, kick some ass, and leave. Not another thought to responsibilities, no meetings, no late or early conference calls, no boss demanding availability around the clock. Just do my job and enjoy my life.
Now that the rain is gone I can finally see clearly. It’s a beautiful thing!
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